Over the weekend, I celebrated my wedding anniversary. I was only 22 years old when we got married, and quickly learned that ‘livin’ on love’ doesn’t get you very far. We still have a ways to go, but here are 6 things I’ve learned in my 6 years’ of marriage:
- It is us against the world. If it comes down to it, we will choose each other over everyone else. It sounds dramatic but I have seen what happens to the marriage that takes a backseat to other relationships, careers, hobbies, etc. Everything suffers. Think about it, this is a person you chose to be with. Hopefully you’ll be with this person for 50+ years. That’s a lot longer than you lived with your parents, and longer than your kids will live with you. Someday it will be just the two of you; might as well strengthen that bond now.
- Despite our ‘us against the world’ attitude, we disappoint each other. Sometimes on the daily. We are still learning the art of apology but I’m not worried – we have lots of practice. People go into relationships with all kinds of expectations. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a human thing. Being able to communicate what we think the relationship should look like, and Compromise (with a capital ‘C’) is the key here.
- We will change. We were naive little babies when we got married, and thank goodness we’ve both grown a little since then! Luckily we’ve grown together as well. Change is scary and sometimes hard, but it’s almost always for the better. Embrace it and it will make your relationship stronger.
- We don’t agree on everything. In fact, we disagree on a lot of things. That’s what makes life interesting. This is where we really perfect those negotiation, I mean, communication, skills. Our core values are the same so I know we’ll be okay. Every once in a while I have to ask myself, “Will this matter in five years? No. Five minutes? No.” Then I let him have the win.
- Love is a verb. Love is sharing the chores. Love is going to the in-laws. Love is cleaning up another person’s puke in the middle of the night; staying up waiting for them to get home from work; saying no to something so they can say yes; deciding every day that this is the one you want to watch mindless TV with every night. It’s every big and every little decision you make for the other person’s benefit.
- We should have gotten a king-sized bed. The queen felt huge when we first got married. But when he’s in the middle of the bed, our dog is laying at the foot, and I’m clinging to the edge of the mattress, I have major regrets about not going for the king.
<3JK
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